The other day, I was talking to my close friend about anger and how just that morning I had spiraled down into an raging fit, caused, no doubt, by some lethal combination of offending back-talk and arrogant/contemptible attitude by one or more of my immediate family (the details of which had already become sketchy and not so emotionally-provoking). In her concern and desire "to help me deal" with future bouts of anger, she (a lawyer by training) began asking me a very interesting series of questions.
"What incentive do you have to NOT get angry? Or, what incentive do you have to STOP being angry when you have already exploded?" she asked.
Hmmm. By that time, not much. It's pretty much too late and I guess you could say I am 'blinded'.
"So, you're made weaker by your anger."
Oh, not at all! In fact, that is one of the most dangerous aspects of my anger. I literally become very strong, very focused, and extremely productive (as in getting what I want, when I want it) when I become angry. I believe the word I have heard used is 'formidable'.
"But you said you are 'blinded'. That means that you no longer have control."
Well, I guess it's not so much that I don't have control--for I am definitely 'in control' of the players. I have manhandled them into submission, so to speak. It's more that I'm not really seeing all sides very clearly, or maybe that I no longer care to see anything but what 'I' want...and only at that very moment. And then I pull all stops to get it. I no longer consider repercussions or hurt from my words or actions. I no longer care.
"So, you are definitely 'blinded'. But, sounds like you feel as if you have alot of force--y'know, power--in your anger."
Yes. I'm definitely not weaker when I am angry.
"Okay, but, in your 'blindedness', who is doing the driving? Are 'you' in the driver's seat? If you can't see straight, how can 'you' really be the one in control?"
No...I guess you're right. I guess I'm not really the one in control.
"Then, who is?"
My anger is.
"But anger is just an emotion. You have always said that behind each emotion is a Source using that emotion as a driving force for personal action or inaction."
Okay.
"And that your 'free will' always allows you to choose which way to go."
Right.
"When you get angry, do you recognize a critical moment of decision?"
Always. It's like I approach a cliff, an almost timeless moment of 'Do i go there?', and then I decisively step into the void of blinded fury.
"Are you ever pushed?"
No. More and more, I recognize that it is my own split second decision to "go there" and give up self-control.
"Ah, so...you are NOT in control?"
No, um, I guess not. Not of myself anyway.
"Then, I ask again: when you are acting out in blinded anger, to whom have you willingly relinquished control of the situation? To whom or to what have you given up your free will and self-control? What Source is now in control?"
(Like I said, she's a lawyer...and get this: she claims to be agnostic.)
So it didn't take long for me to realize the importance of her very first question: what IS my incentive to not get angry? Or, to stop being angry once I am there? Unlike her original, secular goal of getting me to realize that "I" was weakened by anger rather than strengthened, her subsequent line of reasoning ultimately led me to a deeper, perhaps more powerful understanding: my free will decision to move out of the pathway of Christ--where reigns love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control--places me squarely in the pathway of something NOT of God. It doesn't mean that I become "overtaken" by demonic forces or "possessed" by Satanic power...for within me resides the Spirit of the Lord Himself and "darkness cannot overcome light" (John 1:5). BUT, it does mean that by willfully stepping away from the pathway of the Lord, I open myself to the methods, confusions and deceptions of those things not of God. "Self" becomes of paramount importance, as does "instantaneous gratification" (especially on MY time--NOW!) and "submission on MY terms". Most grievous, is the deception that I am doing something outside the means and methods of the Lord because "I know better"....that I know my children "better", that I know my husband "too well", that "I've been there, done that" and so it's just better that I do it "my way" this time.
Like in almost every post in our blog lately, the same thread courses through this one: trust in the Lord at all times. Trust that, in His omnipresence, He has already "been there" and so has already provided for a plan of redemption for each one of us--redemption out of the circumstance, off of the missed pathway, back to Him, back to His 'ancient paths', back into His love and His light, discerning His Presence in the good and His "permissive will" in allowing the "bad", helping us seek always and only the opportunities to join Him wherever He is working.
My incentive to not get angry? If I am the vessel that I know I am...then let me always consider WHO or WHAT I am allowing to pour through me. The precious gift of Free Will can be the open door to life-giving words and acts that build up each other with and in the Lord. Or, it can be the door that I open to my own little world of condemnation, judgment, blame and bitterness, dragging with me those I supposedly love and deeply care for.
Next time I start to feel angry...I will ask myself: Who will I allow to be "in control"?
Maggie -
ReplyDeleteI've been slow to comment on this, partly because it took several days for me to really read your words and ponder them. Thank you for being so transparent - because what you wrote resonated with me and challenged me deeply.
And now I'm kind of wondering when we deal openly, transparently with Satan's strongholds in our lives, are those strongholds more easily taken down? We can see his works for what they are and maybe not be tripped up quite so easily or so often?
Janet
Absolutely! The key to victory in any warfare (both natural and spiritual) is to clearly identify the enemy and to understand his character, his methods and his ways. We've talked in the past about how "It's a poor soldier indeed who does not recognize the enemy" and that "although we are not to become infatuated with Satan, a good soldier is a well-informed soldier concerning his enemy." "Be infatuated with and in awe of the Lord--be aware of the enemy."
ReplyDeleteSo, in answer to your musings, true strongholds in our lives are never "easy" to take down, but they surely are "easier" to take down when we actually recognize them and deal with them openly before the Lord! More problematic, however, I think, is the fact that with TRUE strongholds we also have to deal with the reason they are there in the first place--what part of myself did I allow to be duped and why? And the bigger question: Do I really want to change...?
So, I think you hit upon a really good point: transparency is a key component--transparency with the Lord (for although He already knows the true state of our hearts, acknowledgment and repentance on our part are necessary steps leading to our forgiveness, healing and transformation); transparency with others (for accountability, strength and help in "praying down strongholds"); and transparency with self (for a good honest look at where my self-will is directing me!).
But I am thinking that perhaps you are not so much talking about true strongholds as you are talking about areas in our lives that we may not have yet totally given over to the Lord. In these areas, we have inadvertently left open a door through which we remain vulnerable to temptations, deceptions and distractions from the enemy. But, once we recognize where we have been "holding back", we can reset our sights, fully focus upon the Lord and willingly take that step back into complete trust in His provision and protection. Then, in unity with the Holy Spirit, all we need to do is remain aware of when He is telling us of the enemy's schemes...and truly we can "see his (the enemy's) works for what they are and not be tripped up quite so easily or so often!" It is, then, not of our own ability to discern, but through the Holy Spirit dwelling so powerfully within us...so much easier to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit than to fight the fears of my vain imaginings!